Who needs college when there are children to sell Columbian cocaine?

So I decided I'm tired of college. It's a lot of work, and I've not been having much fun. It also costs a lot to go. I have concluded that everyone truly successful in life takes the roads less traveled. The entrepreneurs are often the most fortuitous; they find a market niche and profit from it. Well, I recently experienced a great epiphany; there is a huge market niche for dealing cocaine to elementary school children. I recently got into the business, monopolized at several local elementary schools, and felt I had learned enough to even write a book on the subject. I wrote this book not in my own self-interest for profit, but instead as a way I felt I could give back to the great community that made me the person I am today.

Are you interested in making a six-figure income without much effort? Do you like children and seeing them smile? If so, this may be the best $14.95 you can spend.



If you buy my book, Cocaine, Peer-Pressure, and Vulnerable Children: A Profitable Mix, you'll receive great pointers and insight into this fun and profitable business, such as:

1. Make the children think you are cool the first time you approach them at the playground. Try to determine the demographics of the children you are interested in selling to and how they perceive a hero so you can be that person.
2. Sell at rural or very poor elementary schools. Some of the administration will likely already be cocaine users, and the children at such schools are often uncared about and will be left unattended.
3. Figure out which elementary students have the most peer influence. Be able to determine the "cool" kids, so you can "hook" them up first. This way, the other children will feel pressured into trying and buying, too.
4. Give free samples away first, otherwise the children may not be interested. Also sell cheap first, and try to get the youngest customers, so they will provide for you a life-long residual income.
5. Be sure to acquire the interest of the playground bullies. They are the most likely to take other children's lunch money in exchange for your cocaine.
6. Don't let any of the children know your real name, even your first name. Teach the children to call you by a false name, an acronym, or a holiday character such as "The Easter Bunny" or "Santa Claus." Avoid using names with urban slang, such as "ghetto", "dawg", "homie", or "thug", in case a child were to discuss the matter with an authority figure.
7. Make sure to instill fear in the children. A scared child will not tell his parents anything and will be more willing to exchange his lunch money for cocaine. Tell all the children to beat any other child who they fear may tell others about their experiences. Remember: Submission means commission with no competition!


Don't be fooled. This is an industry with almost no barriers of entry.
My book gives great advice to even the amateurs.
The greatest Columbian hook-ups are no longer secrets!

Also, do NOT feel guilty about this behavior. Instead, think of the ways your own self-interest will improve the children's lives:
1. The children will receive a kinesthetic drug education at an early age.
2. You'll keep children off the streets and away from gangs.
3. You'll give the children a preliminary education on economics and the value of a dollar.
4. You'll make life-long friends and connections.
5. How else are children going to get quality Columbian cocaine?



ONLY $14.95!
Buy now, and I'll even throw in a metric measuring set for FREE.
Don't hesitate to purchase, just call, 1-800-COKE-4-KIDS NOW!


Cash Only!


*DISCLAIMER* I am not actually dealing cocaine to children, nor advocating it.

-Greg
hi[at]humans.com
Subject= humans.com